The Cost of Adoption - Part 1

I don't know if you have caught on yet or not, but I am not going to be one of those people who blogs a lot.  I am only here in the blogging world because I believe it is where God wants me, and I only want to share with you those things that I am sure that He has given me to share.  With that said, this post is something that He has been working out in my heart for more than a month.  I still don't know if I will do it justice, but I will do my best to share with you what He is teaching me and hope that HE will make sense of it all.  After starting this post, I realized that it would take more than one post to fully explain what He's been up to in our lives, and I think it will make more sense if I break it up into two parts.  So, here goes Part 1... 

Several months ago, when Neal and I believed that God was leading us down the path of adoption, we did what many of you have done who have either adopted or have considered adopting at some point -- we talked about the cost.  In the world of adoption, it's definitely the elephant in the room.  It's the thing that at some point, you have to talk about.  For many of you who have considered adoption, it's the one thing that has held or is holding you back.  For others of you who have chosen adoption, it's been the thing that God has used to increase your faith.  For us, it was definitely a matter of serious discussion.  With international adoptions averaging around $30,000, it's not really a surprise that the subject would come up for any of us.  For Neal, it's truly never been that big of a deal.  For ME, early on in the process, it was a barrier to my obedience.  Now, you must know, I am the one who does the daily managing of our budget.  In the world of Dave Ramsey lingo, I am DEFINITELY the "nerd" in the relationshiop.  Not shocking to most of you, and some of you would say that's an understatement!  So, in my very Dave Ramsey, Financial Peace-loving mind, I had decided that even though we believed that God was calling us to adopt, that the very "responsible" thing to do would be to save up the money for a few years until we had the required funds, and THEN adopt.  Very responsible of us, I thought.  Take care of the bases, tie up all the loose ends, and THEN be obedient.  The problem with that is, God wasn't asking us to adopt down the road, and I knew it.  He was telling us to start the adoption process NOW.  And, I don't know about you guys, but the Gruhns don't just have $30,000 lying around in our "whatever shall we do with all our money" fund.  In the world of parenting, my response was what is known as "delayed obedience."  And, as I like to say, "delayed obedience is disobedience."  When I ask my girls to go clean up their toys, I am not okay with them deciding that they will be obedient tomorrow.  I am not even okay with them deciding to do it 10 minutes after I ask.  When I tell them to do something, I mean for them to do it right then.  Anything else is disobedience.  And, this idea of "delayed obedience" is the very conversation that God was having with me during this time.  But, as He often does, He used someone else in my life to demonstrate why His ways are better than mine. 

We have been blessed to have some very special people cross our paths over the 13 years we have been married.  One of these families is the Rose Family.  They are an AMAZING family and have been an inspiration to us since we first moved to Southern Illinois.  Mike was our worship pastor in Marion, and his wife, Nancy, is one of the most godly women I have ever had the privilege of knowing.  They have eight wonderful children (whom Nancy also homeschools!!!) and have been such a godly example to us in parenting, in faith, and in service to our God.  We were blessed to have our paths cross with them for a time, and I have been SO blessed to continue to learn from their lives and obedience via Facebook (isn't it wonderful?).  Well, during this time that I was arguing with God (let's just call it what it was!), Nancy shared an amazing God-story (the Roses ALWAYS have God-stories -- I believe because their faith in God is BIG!).  I will share it with you as best as I remember (if you are reading this Nancy, please forgive me if I get any of it wrong).  The Roses now live in Ohio and were wanting to go on a trip to visit their family in Michigan.  However, they really didn't believe that the tires on their van would safely make the trip, and so they had opted out of going.  Without them ever voicing their need, a man from their church showed up on their doorstep with a set of new tires for their van because he had "happened" to notice the worn out tires on their van in the parking lot at church.  Nancy doesn't even know it, but God SO used that story in my life to confirm to me that He WAS calling us to adopt, He was calling us to do it NOW, and that He WOULD provide.  I remember that as soon as I read that story, I came downstairs and told Neal, "I don't think we should save up the money.  I think we're supposed to do it now."  His response was somewhere along the lines of "I totally agree.  I have never thought we should wait."  Money was MY hang-up, not his.   

The "cost" of adoption is not something that I am past.  It's something that still tempts my obedience.  It's not that I begrudge the money or would rather spent it in another way.  It's not that at all.  I just frankly don't understand HOW it is all going to work out.  It doesn't work out on my budget spreadsheet, and my faith struggles at times because I can't SEE it or make it all work out in my head.  So, it's only natural that God and I would have many conversations about this, and that I have to surrender it and lay it at His feet often...almost daily. 

The week of Easter, I could not get the "cost" out of my mind.  While I usually spend the week of Easter trying to be mindful of what Jesus did for me on the cross, this year was different.  I could not get the "cost" of my salvation out of my mind.  All through this process, people have told me that adopting a child will give me a greater understanding of what Jesus did on the cross for me.  I feel like God gave me a tiny glimpse into that this Easter.  You see, we are not God's natural children.  As Christ-followers, we believe that JESUS is God's only Son.  Most of us probably know John 3:16 (NIV) - "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."  When Jesus, God's only Son, died on the cross, He paid the price for our sins.  He made it possible for us to become the adopted children of God.  Don't misunderstand a key part of this.  Jesus' death does not mean that we are automatically His children.  It's only in choosing to accept His sacrifice for our sin and choosing to follow Him that we become His children.  John 1:12 says, "Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God."

As someone who grew up going to church, I knew all this in theory.  I accepted Jesus' sacrifice for my sin at a young age and made the conscious decision to follow Him.  This wasn't new stuff to me.  What WAS new to me was what was what God was already doing in my heart regarding the "cost of adoption."  You see, I was grappling with $30,000.  I was trying to understand how God was going to provide the means to what He is calling us to do.  But, what was new to me was the complete realization of what MY adoption cost my heavenly Father.  "The cost of adoption" for God was NOT $30,000.  The cost for HIM to adopt ME was the life of His only Son.  Grapple with that.  Let it sink in.  And, really let it soak down to the depth of your soul.  For me, what is IMPOSSIBLE  to fathom is that God CHOSE DEATH for His only Son so that I might have life.  Now, go there with me.  If $30,000 seems like a lot to you, imagine for a second that the price of adoption for the child God has called us to was the life of one of my biological children.  I cannot even understand that kind of sacrifice.  I am not deserving of that kind of love.  1 John 3:1 (NIV) - "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!"

It was through the week of Easter this week that I came to not only a greater understanding of what God had done for me, but also why He SO loves adoption.  James 1:27 says - "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  Someone had shared a thought a few months ago through a blog I read that it took me a while to figure out.  They said, God loves adoption because "adoption is the gospel."  At the time, I had taken this to mean that adoption was a way to be obedient to God's command to those who follow Him to "go and make disciples (Matthew 28:19)."  However, the week of Easter, I GOT it.  That's not what they were saying at all.  God loves adoption because it IS the gospel.  We, who have chosen to follow God, ARE adopted because of the death of His Son.  Adoption IS the gospel.  We cannot be His followers, redeemed by the blood of His Son, and be anything but FOR adoption. It is only through our OWN adoption that we get to be the children of God.

And, it was through this process that God revealed to me more about His provision for our own adoption process.  There will never be a greater need in my life or your life than our need for salvation and the forgiveness of our sins.  Without God's sacrifice of His Son, and the price He paid for our sin, we would be eternally separated from God.  Good works, acts of kindness, religious practices - NONE of these makes up for our sin.  NONE can put us in right standing before God.  God is HOLY.  He cannot tolerate sin.  Outside of accepting the shed blood of Jesus as the sacrifice for our sin, we have no hope in this life to be reconciled to Him.  Isaiah 64:6 says "...all our righteous acts are like filthy rags..."  It was through thinking deeper about this, that God revealed to me something I had never thought of before in terms of my own needs, particularly the financial needs associated with our adoption.  He has ALREADY met the greatest need I will ever have.  Why is it then, that I worry about anything?  And, why in the WORLD would I worry about something that I know clearly that He has called us to do?  Matthew 6:25-34 talks about how ridiculous it is for God's people to worry.  I know this passage well, yet I find myself guilty of worry far too often!  The revelation of this hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt the Holy Spirit say to my heart, "If I met your greatest need through the death of my Son, don't you think I can handle everything else?  I have GOT this."  Oh, ME of little faith!!! 

And, to think that this is only Part 1.  I cannot WAIT to tell you what He has been doing to show me just how MUCH He has got this.  I will not make you wait long...I promise. 

Thanks, again, for going with us on our journey.  I cannot wait to share more with you...

Much love,
Stacy

Choosing Joy

I cannot believe that more than a month has passed since my last post.  Much has been going on in our lives and in my heart in these last few weeks, and I have just been trying to process it all through myself before sharing it with you.  Shortly after we returned from Disney World, we set out to finish our application.  However, if you read my last post, you know that things in Ethiopia were somewhat in limbo when we left for vacation.  During the week after we got home, we spent a lot of time talking through what would happen if Ethiopia was no longer an option.  Our agency had first recommended to us that we look at either Ethiopia or Bulgaria, as they appeared to be the best fits for our family.  Ironically, those were the only two countries we had ever really felt led to explore.  However, when we started our journey toward Ethiopia, we felt like that was the direction that God was leading us.  So, this first week back from vacation, I spent a lot of time asking God why He would lead us in a direction only to have the door close.  I get that it happens.  I have heard the stories of others who have had the exact thing happen to them…people who were much further down the path than us.  I had friends telling me of their friends who were going through the same thing as us, wondering what was going on in Ethiopia, and they were ALL further in the process than us.  And, then, God reminded me of a story through a sermon that our dear Pastor John preached.  He reminded me of the story of Abram…

“The Lord said to Abram: Leave your country, your family, and your relatives and go to the land I will show you…Abram was seventy-five years old when the Lord told him to leave the city of Haran.  He obeyed and left with his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, and all the possessions and slaves he had gotten while in Haran.” (Genesis 12:1, 4-5a)  And, what God began to impress upon my heart is that He called us to adoption…NOT to a specific country.  And, when He calls us, He wants us to obey, and He doesn’t have to give us the details.  Gulp.  That was a big lesson for me.  So, of course, we decided that our only option was to move forward…wherever He leads us.  If that means Ethiopia, fine.  If it means Bulgaria, fine.  If it means somewhere else, fine.  So, with that, we began the very practical steps of finishing up our paperwork.  In doing so, we had to list our country choices, 1 and 2.  So, I sent an e-mail to our agency rep to ask whether we should even put Ethiopia, or if we just put Bulgaria.  And, then, God showed off.  Her response to me was that in spite of all that Ethiopia has said about changing their system, that they have not seen ANY delays in the adoption process, nor do they expect any.  None.  I don’t even understand that.  But, that’s what she said.  So, all that time I spent questioning and wondering instead of obeying was wasted time, except for me learning a big lesson about doing more following and less talking.  J  So, much to our excitement, last week we received the final paperwork we were waiting for in the mail, and we were SO thrilled to mail our application and our first payment to our agency last Saturday!  Yay!  Step 1 down. 

In the middle of all of this, both Neal and I have both felt what we believe is spiritual attack.  It’s not been just one thing or event, but, much like my last post, just the compounding of several very real frustrations in our lives (some practical and some more emotional) and, already, some hurdles in our adoption process.  I think in the last month alone, our computer has had 3 different sets of issues...not working, not connecting to the internet, not printing, etc.  You name it.  And, frankly, when you are doing something as paperwork-intensive as adoption, it's a pretty vital thing to have a working computer system.  But, God has provided for us in that area as well.  As we have had one frustration after another come our way, it has caused us to really dig deep in God’s Word and find out what He has to say about hard times, trials, and suffering.  In just a period of a few days, God began speaking truth into our lives through His Word (on our own and verses shared with us by several friends), through a sermon I found by Francis Chan on YouTube (“Is Suffering Optional?” – it's broken up into five parts, but I highly recommend it!), and through a book that Neal has been going through with his Flock Group.  Crazy how when God is driving a point home to you, that He makes it in SEVERAL different ways to make sure that you are getting it!!! 

On top of it all, we started a new Bible Study with our Life Group – John MacArthur’s study on James.  As we started the first chapter, I came across a passage I could probably recite by heart…James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”  For me, that’s a verse I have known for a LONG time.  But, this time, as I was reading it, I began to ask these questions:  “What does it mean to ‘consider’ it all joy?  In the MIDDLE of a trial, what does that even look like?” 

For some of you, it may seem weird to question what the Bible says, but I don’t think it is at all.  I think it’s only then – when we question scripture, when we dig deeper, when we seek God, when we ask for the input of others who have a genuine faith – that those verses become ALIVE to us.  It’s then that they are more than just words on a page.  I think we are meant to do more than just read the Bible.  We are meant to live it, and, it is meant to be LIFE to us.  Hebrews 4:12 says “For the word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to the dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”  God’s Word is meant to guide and direct us, to instruct us in the paths we are to take, to set parameters for our life, and to help us break out of those parameters we have set for ourselves that reflect our hearts more than His (super tough!).  Simply put, it's meant to CHANGE us.  I think much of my Christian life has been spent reading the Word of God for knowledge, or to "check a box" to say I did it, and not so that I would be changed by it.  

So, then, how do we “consider it all joy” in the middle of a trial?  It’s SO much easier to have joy at the end of a tough time, especially those times when God wraps it all up nicely for us with a bow, and we get to “see” some of what He was doing.  God SO encouraged me last week as I discussed this passage with Neal, a close friend, and even my Life Group.  And, here’s what I learned from Him and through them.  Joy in the midst of trials is a supernatural thing.  It’s absolutely BEYOND our capability to face what some of us will in this lifetime and “consider it all joy.”  That kind of joy is the evidence of the Holy Spirit’s power and presence in our lives.  Joy is part of the fruit (Galatians 5:22-23) that He displays in us when our relationship with the Spirit of God is as it should be. 

And, what I have learned about finding joy in difficult times is that He is EVERYTHING that we need Him to be.  He is our provider, our help, our strength, our Father, our friend, and so much more.  And, even in the middle of trials, He gives to us in abundance.  Over these last few weeks, God has used others in our lives to answer prayers that were never voiced aloud.  He has moved in so many ways to let us know that He is ever-present in our lives and this process.  He has given us strength and encouragement to keep going when the road was really hard.  He has provided confirmation of His calling over and over again, even when we didn’t have a speck of doubt about it all.  And, on more than one occasion, He has heaped on blessing for no reason at all. 

One such blessing came to us last Sunday.  We work with the cute and highly energetic Kindergarten group at our church about two weeks each month.  A few weeks ago, we had a sweet little girl visiting our group, who I just KNEW was from Ethiopia.  However, when her Dad picked her up, I chickened out and didn’t ask him.  J  However, last Sunday, Neal and I were standing in the foyer at our church (which we never do) waiting to meet with some of our Life Group members, and this same beautiful little girl who I was so curious about runs up to say “hi” to me!  Yay!  I was SO excited to see her again, and then her Mom, whose name is Cathy, walked up.  We began to talk, and I found out that her daughter IS from Ethiopia and was only adopted a short time ago.  Of course, the connection began immediately !!!  I was SO encouraged by our conversation and hearing Cathy’s heart for adoption and how she has been praying for couples like us to be called to adoption.  She told me that by following God's call to adoption that WE  were an answer to HER prayers.  LOVE. IT.  Not only that, but we find out that we live in the same area of town.  Can you say "Wow!!?!!"  She ends up getting my e-mail, and we say “goodbye.”  As I meet back up with Neal, and I’m immediately telling him about Cathy, we run into her again, but this time with her husband.  So, now Neal gets to meet her husband, Mark, AND, a friend of theirs who is visiting them from Atlanta (whom they met while they were IN Ethiopia adopting their daughter and HE was adopting his son).  So, did you catch that?  God ordained for us to meet two families visiting our church who have adopted children from Ethiopia just a short time ago on the day after we submitted our own application!  We felt so overwhelmingly blessed that God would use that meeting to just show His love, grace, and goodness to us.  Truthfully, we were blown away! 

All that said, I am learning to CHOOSE joy…every day…sometimes several times a day.  It’s a choice I make to rely on Him to be everything I need.  And, just so you are up on the latest, the adoption application that we mailed last Saturday, arrived just one business day later at our adoption agency halfway across the country.  On Monday, I got a call from our agency rep to confirm they had received it.  Of course, it was also a request for a little more information.  J  But, that’s okay.  I am learning, as Cathy told me on Sunday, that this is a “paperwork pregnancy” and that the road will be long, and it will be hard, but as with our relationship with God, it will also be SO worth it.  And, I am hoping that with THIS “pregnancy,” there will be no heartburn.  J 

Thanks for sharing in the journey. 

Much love to you!

Stacy

Bend in the Road...

This afternoon, I was scrolling down my Facebook page, just seeing what was going on with my FB peeps.  In the middle of "status updates" from friends, I often have updates from several ministries, businesses, etc., that I "like."  One of those "likes" on my page is our adoption agency.  I normally LOVE reading the things that they post.  But, today, my heart started to sink as I read through their post.  Here's the first part of what it said...

"We need your help to speak out for the millions of orphans in Ethiopia.  The Ethiopian Ministry of Women's, Children's and Youth Affairs plans to reduce intercountry adoption by 90%."

And, with that, we have come to our first bend in the road.  Now, let me say, this is not official.  It is scheduled to go into effect in two days, on March 9th.  And, if you are where I was, you might be asking "Why?"  Well, as best I can understand it, there have been some ethical concerns for a while concerning Ethiopian adoptions.  We have heard of some concerning things ourselves in this area, not with our present agency, but with other agencies.  It sounds like it's a knee-jerk reaction to the investigations that have shown that there are, in fact, reasons for concern with several agencies and orphanages currently facilitating Ethiopian adoptions.   I do believe the actions they are taking are an honest effort to prevent against child trafficking.  What is concerning to most people in the adoption world is the talk about shutting down many orphanages that are currently operating in Ethiopia and slowing, almost halting, adoptions in order to do this, and the fear that these actions will put the lives of children in danger.  To give you an idea of just how drastic an action this is, they are planning to change the amount of adoptions in Ethiopia that will go through their court systems from a current average of 50 per day to 5 per day.  For families already on waiting lists (and we are still months from that point), their estimated wait time just increased by at least a year.

So, I'm going to be honest and say that my first reaction was pretty much to just freak out a little.  After all, I still BELIEVE that we are called to adopt, and I still BELIEVE we are called to adopt from Ethiopia.  Although, I will also tell you that from the very beginning, I have prayed that God would STOP the process if we were wrong about adoption, if we were wrong about Ethiopia, and if we were wrong about our agency.  And, He stopped the process with the first agency we were researching in under a week after I first prayed that prayer.  So, I am open to the idea that He could be doing it again.  However, I am not willing to accept that until I know it to be true.  And, I don't know that yet.

So, when I shared all this info with Neal, he did what he does, and he reacted with calm and control (part of why I need him in my life), and said, "Let's not freak out.  We don't even know that this is happening for sure yet."  Ah, yes!  This is why it is called a "bend in the road."  Because with a curve, or a bend, you cannot SEE what is around it.  It does not mean that it's bad, even if you feel that it is.  You just have to go around the bend to SEE what is there.  And, yet, here I have gone again freaking out about future events that have not happened yet!  Don't you just think Satan loves it when we get ourselves worked up about stuff that might not ever happen?  When we let ourself go down the path of "what if's?"  I think he totally digs it!  And, I often make him very happy in that area, I am sure.

So, after those wise words, I opened my Bible to read the passage that we were supposed to be reading yesterday (but I am currently a day behind the hubs if you must know the truth!)...Romans 8  Now, I want to share with you some of the Biblical goodness that I discovered in there tonight...

Romans 8:18 - I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." 

Romans 8:26-27 - In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been calld according to his purpose. 

Romans 8:31-32 - What, then, shall we say in response to this?  If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all -- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Romans 8:37-39 - No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height or depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

And, I don't know about you, but today, I am thinking it's GOOD to be a slacker!  Isn't God AWESOME?  In one chapter, He just gave me verse after verse reminding me to trust, reminding me to pray, and reminding me that HE has it ALL under CONTROL.  And, so that is where I am...trusting and going to do a lot of praying.  And, I am definitely going to be allowing the Spirit to intercede for me, because I am pretty sure I don't even know how to pray about this one.

Before I go, I want to share with you the last part of the Facebook post I read from our adoption agency today...

"You can help by signing the petition to the Prime Minister of Ethiopia, Meles Zenawi at:  http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43714.html.  Forward this to your friends, family members, churches and everybody you know!"

This is a link to a petition for the government of Ethiopia to not make this very hasty decision without thinking through the consequences.  I am going to be praying about signing it.  I have not decided yet because I want it to be a God-decision, not an emotional, me-decision.  Would you be willing to do that with me?  To pray about signing and to do so, if you are so led by God?  I don't need to know if you do or if you don't, I just would love it if we could pray through this decision together.  It will need to be a quick answer from God, because we are under two days away, but I am trusting Him for guidance. 

Please also be praying about the situation in Ethiopia, whether you sign the petition or not.  We will not be nearly as affected as will be SO many other families who have been waiting for months and maybe years already.  And, most importantly, please pray for the precious children whose lives are going to be greatly affected by this decision.  So thankful tonight that He doesn't NEED me to do His will.  I am trusting the "father to the fatherless." (Psalm 68:5)

And, if you get time, go read Romans 8.  You have read a lot of it already.  :)  Now, you can just go fill in the gaps.  I am pretty sure that it will be an encouragement to you no matter what place you find yourself in today.

Thanks for sharing your hearts with me and for going with us on this journey. 

Much love to you all!

Stacy